Did the sun just suddenly set on the day,or was it a steady fading away till there was no light to see? Did the shore suddenly disappear or did you not see the waters slowly covering the sands? Was it ever in the blink of an eye, that what was here no longer was?
Death. Maybe. It just burns the city down in an instant like Sodom burned. Salt woman coming out of the dark recess of regret.
But what about the burial? The memories? The letting go? Do you in an instant forget? Make peace?
We always see it coming, don’t we? We see it at a distance and turn our heads Pretending we saw a mirage. Yet it still approaches, while we construct soothing words birthed in a walk of delusion not sight. We call it hope, perseverance, love, name it…Yet deep down it’s fear.
Fear of losing what’s in your hands. Fear of losing what’s a gem to your soul. It could be that relationship. It could be that job.
The texts reduced and stopped; the calls, well they didn’t come. You said “I love you”, a million times but heaves and sighs came in return.
Or that appraisal, and the meetings after, there are whispers in the corridors, very odd stares,and then the sermon from the boss.You take steps. Take new breaths convincing yourself it will be okay. But guess what…
They don’t love you any more,they don’t trust you any more.
So they’ll change the passwords, they’ll change the locks. You’re cut off completely from their world. The sweet words that once were the sun become bland and tasteless. You have run your course; The blade of grass has given in. Death. Separation. Took over. You knew it would come. But you closed your physical eyes,thought your invisible ones would help you see.
Now you’re out on the corner in the pouring rain, at the cliff with your loosened tie, no one will be coming. You’re on your own,you’re in the dark,you’re on the edge about to fall and ask “Why was I so blind?”
Why do we ignore them sometimes, those voices in our heads? Coz sometimes we forget the heart wants what the heart wants.