3rd Feb 2010
My love,-to the girl I will one day call my own,
Let us not be like stained glass windows, pleasant to look at but impossible to look through and let us not be like gems, trophies for viewing pleasure but lacking soul.
You, I want to bare my soul to- to express all I have inside me-the raging volcanoes, the simmering springs and placid pools.
I want you to know me, and not be blind. If I hurt you with what I say, baby be kind. This needs to go away before my heart can once again fully embrace another.
You see, my love for her, the one before you-came like an earthquake. It shook everything under me-she sneaked into and made my heart a servant of the thirst for acceptance and belonging. Her smile, her voice, her laughter-these were my air, soil and sunlight. She’s the one I had to see everyday lest I wither and die from her absence.
She was special to me-she was my world. We ate pancakes and drank tea together, walked across the dam on the Nile laughing and dancing with the butterflies, we shoulder touched in the cinema watching Mr and Mrs Smith…we did so many things together. I cancelled appointments because of her, left important lectures to see her, my world was this girl, but I won’t compare her to you.
Still her gaze was my breath, those beautiful brown eyes; falling in love with her was bliss- it made my heart run and leap.
But, I need to let you see you’re not the girl of ages gone. She was a promise, a shadow. But you in my life: The flesh that wound up the dry bones of hopelessness.
She may have fuelled fires in my soul, may have churned deep springs of desire but hers was to show, to give me a taste of the love I hope is in you. I needed to tell you now, because love is not a game. It is the soil upon which flowers and thorns can grow, it the sun which can give life or death. You see, darling, love can be poison, it can be death, but I hope with you, it can be the dew of hope every morning. I pray it can be the beautiful colour that will paint our hearts as one on this canvas of life-to be together, now and forever.
My heart speaks of love for you; what was dying has come anew. But I wonder whether you feel it too or is the malady of love already giving me deceptive wraiths…?